The narcissistic personality disorder it is a very serious matter. Not for the person who suffers from it, since he does not have the capacity to recognize that he has a ‘problem’. But for the people around them, who suffer the consequences of this personality trait. living with a narcissist undermines self esteem, self-love, deteriorates the victim, makes them dependent and isolates them. Therefore, if we detect that our partner is, the healthiest path is to escape.
And it is that as the psychologist affirms Silvia Congost, author of the book Toxic people. How to identify them and free yourself from narcissists forever (Ed. Zenith)which will be on sale March 30, narcissistic people do not change and it is impossible to establish healthy relationships with them.
Answer the questions in this test to find out if your partner is. And if you suspect so, ask for psychological help if you need it in order to make the best possible decision for your physical and mental health and well-being.
narcissistic personality test
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Characteristics of a narcissist
As the psychologist Silvia Congost explains to us, unlike psychopaths, narcissists can feel emotions and show them. In fact, we can see them euphoric, depressed… their moods will depend, to a large extent, on what is happening around them or, rather, on what they get from the environment.
they are sadistic, since they have no problem in hurting others. In fact, it makes them feel more powerful and strong, as they like to know that they are in control.
Have fear to fail, not to be valued. This is due to their self-esteem problems, which makes them act despotic, without having a problem abusing and belittling others to feel better about themselves.
Are spiteful and vengeful And if you have dared to do something that has bothered them or if you have exposed them, be prepared, because they will make you pay for it, says Congost. Of course, they will always seem to be the victims, because they are excellent actors.
– Read more: High self-esteem or narcissism: where is the limit?
What to do if my partner is?
In a nutshell: run out. Congost claims that a narcissist will never change. Never. In fact, the psychologist is very emphatic, since to change some minimum requirements are needed.
Due to the disorder suffered by these subjects, they are incapable of accepting their own mistakes, to see and recognize their harmful way of treating others, manipulating or destroying them. They have their own version of events and are willing to do anything to defend it no matter what the price. They always have the absolute truth, whatever happens. They do not have the ability to look at themselves, to reflect, to analyze their behaviors or to try to improve.
Steps to initiate separation from a narcissist
The expert details in her book what to do in a relationship with a narcissist:
Assume that it should cut the relationship as soon as possible and forever. This relationship will never be healthy or make you happy. On the contrary, it will make you suffer.
Understand that, in these cases, It is useless to cling to what is fair according to your criteria or that of the majority, nor to what is normal, nor what you would do out of good sense or goodness when it comes to breaking up. Narcissists act out of selfish, angry, and distorted values. They will do whatever they can to hurt you. Hence, the healthiest and most intelligent thing to do is to assume the reality of what is happening and make the most coherent decision, not based on justice or common sense.
Seek the help of a professional. As Congost states, one of the biggest dangers is relapse. Being so damaged and manipulated, any contact, no matter how small, can be the trigger to call, write or seek a meeting again. And it is that, no matter how hard reality is, the hitch can be very strong and destructive. For this reason, the expert recommends doing the process very well, with the help of an expert, to understand what has happened and is happening to us, understand how we got there and what we have missed, go out, rebuild our self-esteem, dignity and have very clear what our limits are.
The help of a professional will help you heal the wounds, also to face the breakup when there is manipulation, if there are children or if other problems arise after the separation.