HELL RIDE (Review)

SYNOPSIS: Guns in hand, big cylinders and atomic bombs between their legs, gunslinger and his friends, the big broken mouths of the Victors, have only one goal: to scour the wild lands of America to avenge the sweet of the big boss, burned alive by the 666 biker gang. There is only one way to get there: follow the road that leads straight to hell…

We can never say it enough: among all the wonderful contributions of this dear Quentin Tarantino to our favorite art, his ability to impose himself as a DJ of cinematographic reference in the image of sampling professionals vis-à-vis music will have had something proudly revolutionary, opening the way to the era of postmodernism the brightest. Alas, not everyone has their groove or knack for claiming to deserve a slice of the pie as big as theirs, and as it stands, a certain Larry Bishop did not have enough perspective to realize it. The guy is not at all unknown to the average movie buff since in addition to being the offspring of the actor Joey Bishopwe owe him a solid acting career in a bunch of more or less forgettable B series (including a panel of post-Easy Rider) and a little detour through the realization via the improbable but very pleasing maddogs, sort of parody of Hollywood noir films with a dizzying cast released in 1996. But for the average popcorn eater (or at least the one who stays until the end of the films in order to retain the entire credits), there is a lot to bet that only his flash performance at the start of Kill Bill 2 noticed a little (it was him, the grumpy and uncool owner of the seedy bar where he worked Michael Madsen). Still, the filming of the Tarantinesque diptych will have seen the parallel gestation of a contemporary Hell’s Angels film, overseen from afar by the friend QTwhere Bishopalready director and screenwriter of the thing, will have ended up sticking his name and his face on the poster and at the head of the cast, instead of a Bruce Willis resigned. And this is where things go wrong…

It will take the most tolerant viewer a sharper-than-average suspension of disbelief to admit that Bishop was the right actor to play the lead role. Because here, the leader of a band of badass bikers who reigns the law on the Texas roads by riding his metal steed (and also a bunch of muy caliente bimbos!), what does it look like with the face of Larry Bishop? Has a weakling as ugly as a boil, with a short stature that contrasts with the imposing hulking posture of those who serve as his henchmen, the features of a psychopath with bulging eyes staring into space, welder’s goggles in instead of a pair of Ray-Bans, a goatee of pubic hair, a perm to make jealous Rachida Dati, an over-charred skin that we imagine due to a bad adjustment during a UV session, and of course, a charisma below zero. We are also terrified to feel the one-man band not at all surprised that the pretty girls of the cast (Leonor Varela, Julia Jones, Laura Cayouette, Cassandra Hepburn: excuse the little!), for the most part reduced to a parade of pretty butts and well-filled tits, spend the whole film putting on the most lascivious wiggles in front of him and asking him for a quick hose down to put out the fire on their crotch (sorry for the metaphor…). A very vicious cinephagous pleasure that, let’s face it, never spreads to the other side of the screen, as the result keeps taking us through all the possible states of the word “frustration”.


Terrible frustration, first, to find yourself faced with a literal pumping of the narrative puzzle of Kill Bill and a bunch of recycled sequences from the Tarantinesque universe, all managed with opportunism and laziness. Bishop in vain give the impression of opening up the field of possibilities in terms of nihilistic wandering by dint of refusing any geographical cursor and infusing here and there breakthroughs of low-ceilinged existentialism (it is the crypto-shamanic subconscious of a biker who guides the entire narrative here!), everything systematically falls flat. hell ride thus passes from the status of venerable bis to that of failure more artificial than anything else, barely worthy of an amateur theater play where one would bet on filthy vulgarity and the rolling of mechanics in the hope lost in advance to furnish complete nothingness. The low budget of the film is even cruelly felt, as evidenced by this “bar” in the middle of the dodger – in reality an old barn where we have just stuck two tables, three chairs and a swarm of callipyges who fight naked in a pool of oil! And as it is necessary to give the impression that something is happening in this story where the emptiness and the hollow send empty bottles of whiskey to the mouth, we stall quickly hurts makes a small stake of absurd vendetta (why did the hero wait more than twenty years to take revenge on the bastard who stabbed his sweetheart?) and a treasure hunt story supposed to feed a quest for filiation at two centimes. We do not care ? Yes, completely.


As the whole thing seems to have been entirely tinkered with by a fat cynic who doesn’t really like the B series (at best) or who exploits it anyhow for the sole purpose of looking cool after fifty years ( at worst), it was to be expected that the entire cast would follow suit with the friend Bishop, a story of lazily mimicking the bad boy attitude while waiting to collect his check and sluice all the bottles of alcohol during the end of filming party. Find this dear Michael Madsen in total freewheel, who stupidly waves his arms and throws adulterated punchline in packs of twelve, just reminds us that Reservoir Dogs celebrates its 30th birthday this year. Review the Legendary Dennis Hopper in old of the old guard biker refers us above all to the fact thatEasy Rider isn’t as trendy as it used to be and that a cameo can be downright pathetic if it’s just showing off your fake teeth. See the late David Carradine tied to a chair for one of his last film roles only reminds us of the very tragic way in which he ended up breaking his pipe a few years later. As for this poor Vinnie Jones, once again reduced to overplaying the brute for the 261st time with the aura of a rusty carburettor, we would almost forget how easily he had been able to scare us away with a simple play of staring into the terrifying Midnight Meat Train of Ryuhei Kitamura. All these B series bedridden grumble their replies without unclenching their teeth, in the service of a non-existent scenography and a scenario worthy of a bumpy road in the middle of a desert dodger. At this point, there is nothing more to add to this very forgettable Hell Ride.


Original Title: HELL RIDE

Directed by: Larry Bishop

Cast: Larry Bishop, Leonor Varela, Michael Madsen

Genre: Action, Drama, Thriller

Released on DVD on: June 4, 2009

Distributed by: –


HELL RIDE (Review)