LIES OF SELF


Rationalization can be defined as self-deception by reasoning

Karen Horney

Excessive needs, that is, neurotic needs, for power, prestige, admiration and affection, make monsters, which can range from basic satraps – people who exercise and flaunt their power in a despotic and arbitrary way – to true masters of subtle manipulation. , playing the role of spiritual leaders or social fighters. A narcissist’s introductions can be anything they can think of.

The common factor will always be capricious decision-making and its consequent actions and impositions. The narcissist trusts no one, and is likely to trumpet it, because the untrustworthiness of others is the perfect justification for outrage. They are usually very lonely people, unable to establish relationships from the soul, which by nature is trusting.

Now, more than the description of this type of person, who must have already evoked some name in his mind, what is important is the psychological mechanism that allows them to remain locked up in their bubble: intentional self-deception, that which, whether premeditated or reactive, we are aware, if only for a fleeting moment.

All beings deceive ourselves. It is a defense mechanism on autopilot, activated when we are not prepared to accept something potentially disturbing. We can only deny it or deploy our reasoning capacity to find arguments that minimize it or give it an interpretation, until we are able to face what we could not emotionally tolerate at first.

Now, in either type, automatic or intentional, self-deception always begins with the lies we tell ourselves about ourselves, which in the case of pathological narcissists magnify self-importance.

In their megalomania, they convince themselves that they are definitely superior to others, and some have the luxury of making it obvious, especially those who are “assured” of blind or grudging obedience from people who believe they have no other choice or who for their own convenience they remain in that situation.

But others will have to feign humility, compassion, and empathy to get the attention and admiration they desperately need, because a narcissist is, deep down, lacking, fearful, and insecure. Also, to be a worthy example of a narcissist, you have to be a good psychopath.

Maintaining the illusion of superiority requires that you resort to intentional self-deception in almost every situation in your life. They make a decision that conscience – that annoying voice that boycotts everything – insistently questions, beyond the simple moral conflict that the clash of beliefs can produce. The reason is absolutely personal: it is about defending, above all before themselves, their self-image, fulfilling an irresistible desire, achieving a longing or anything else that only has to do with their impulse, but that they know will be disapproved by others, since they themselves consider it unworthy of their greatness.

So, they bury that motivation in a dark place in their psyche and, through reasoning, they put together an argument that they think is infallible. They pretend it’s true and then they pretend they’re not pretending. This completes and closes the self-deception with a flourish. By then they have already lost contact with reality and with the origin of the entanglement, so they have to construct another self-consumption lie to reinforce the previous one.

No self-deception works if we do not believe that we have the truth and that we are infallible. Infallibility itself is the basic belief of those who ruin their day when something goes wrong. We all have something of a narcissist, because we feel qualified to judge, criticize, command and control. If not, take a look under this magnifying glass at social networks to corroborate it. The important thing is that we learn to advance together with others, in collaboration and with respect towards all the others, not in complicity and stepping on them.

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LIES OF SELF-CONSUMPTION