The narcissistic pervert uses mental manipulation to exercise his hold on the other. Do you think you are with a man with this profile? A woman ? Decryption of narcissistic perversion and advice to get out of this grip with Marine Bienaimé and Johanna Rozenblum, psychologists.
At very kind, attractive beginning, the narcissistic pervert seduces its prey and destroys it step by step. Most of narcissistic perverts are oblivious to their problem and are persuaded to act for the good of others (a minority are sadistic and take pleasure in making others suffer). The manipulations of these people differ from emotional blackmail, small lies or guilt of others that make everyone more or less manipulative. As Marine Bienaimé points out: “We also observe a resurgence of the discourse on narcissistic perverts in the wave of work on moral harassment.” Decryption of narcissistic perversion.
What is a narcissistic pervert?
The term “narcissistic perversion” has been first used in 1986, in a book by French psychoanalyst Paul-Claude Racamier who defined this pathology as “the active propensity of the subject to nourish his own narcissism at the expense of that of others”. Other authors have since taken up and substantiated this term to describe a psychopathology based on the mental manipulation, allowing one individual to exert control over another. Pathology includes two aspects: narcissistic disorders and perversion. Narcissistic personality disorder falls under the classification of personality disorders described in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). It belongs to group B said dramatic, emotional or erratic disturbances.
What are the characteristics of a narcissistic evil man?
We talk more about narcissistic perverse men but narcissistic disorders and perversion can also be present in women. The signs are similar and usually appear at the beginning of adulthood. The narcissistic pervert has:
- a excessive need to be adored
- a strong tendency to megalomania
- at theself-centeredness
- a low level of empathy towards others
- an excessive quest for recognition.
“He never questions himself and pretends to be the victim”
The narcissistic pervert has tendency to want to satisfy one’s wants and needs at the expense of others, and therefore to use others for one’s own ends. A narcissistic pervert therefore presents a personality marked both by exacerbated narcissism and traits of moral perversion. Marine Bienaimé details the behavior of the narcissistic pervert: “He does not recognize in the other the possibility of having his own interests. The narcissistic pervert seeks to appropriate what the other has and does not have but by destroying the other, not by seeking to resemble him.” The psychologist explains that the skill of the narcissistic pervert can make him difficult to grasp : “He is generally very amiable outwardly, in society and when he is seeks to seduce. But it proves terribly destructive in the dual relationship. He never questions himself and pretends to be the victim.”
“The narcissistic pervert is disturbed since he no longer has access to us and can no longer project his neuroses onto us and then blame us for them. Be firm and set a framework which puts it at a distance from our intimacy, demand clarity when his speech is ambiguous and manipulative, do not show emotional destabilization and remain emotionally cold are effective and easy to implement strategies to destabilize the narcissistic pervert“advises Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist.
“The victim has trouble realizing that the situation is abnormal”
The narcissistic pervert proceeds through different stages to implement the mental manipulation. According to the psychiatrist Marie-France Hirigoyen it is the triptych seduction, psychological hold, manipulation.
- It creates a link with others, and attacks the “narcissistic integrity” of the latter.
- He attacks the self-confidence and self-esteem of others to create a link of dependence of the other towards him.
- Manipulation consists in making believe that the link of dependence comes from the victim, not from him. The victim of a narcissistic pervert is treated like an object, she is instrumentalized in the service of the narcissistic pervert. A hold that makes “the victim has trouble realizing that the situation is abnormal”.
To get out of this hold, the psychologist speaks of a multi-step process:
- Identifying that the relationship is toxicthat is to say the perverse process which consists in placing the responsibility for the conflict always on the victim, the victim must stop justifying himself.
- The victim must admit that he cannot change the situation without feeling guilty, she should not seek to understand the person nor find any justification for it.
- Reconnect with loved ones from which the victim was often removed.
- Seek psychotherapeutic help.
What are the risks of staying with a narcissistic pervert?
“The risk is not only to be cut off from those around you but also to suffer a real destruction of your psychic integrity. So we have to go” concludes the psychologist.
What are the causes of narcissistic perversion?
One does not become a narcissistic pervert overnight, the causes are often old. To define the causes of narcissistic perversion, Marine Bienaimé evokes several factors: “Difficulties in psychic development and self-construction but also a defense system against psychosis.”
Thanks to Marine Bienaimé, psychologist and Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist.